I am not a tourist!!

Last night after work, I met Brian for dinner in Susie's Wholefood Diner on West Nicholson Street. I was walking across North Bridge, dodging all the people when I had a 'oh, this is my home....' moment. Those moments come every now and then when I am out and about in Edinburgh amongst the tourists (and there are many - although not as many as there will be when the Festival begins!). It's such a good feeling to say 'I live here'. During my time in America, my trips to Scotland made me feel like a tourist. I was usually only here for two weeks at a time, and there was always so much to catch up on - from the latest fashions and TV favourites to people's lives and family situations. Now, I live here and it feels good to not be a tourist in my own country. The funny thing is that I have this sense of pride about where I live - even a sense of protectiveness. I have always had this outlook about where I live - even in America. When I was in Grand Rapids, the mere mention of Pittsburgh or Western Pennsylvania made me feel such fondness for these places. I think this has to do with the fact that when you move to another culture and another country, you have to attach yourself to the place hard and fast - at least I did. It helps with the identity thing. I was speaking with a couple at a conference this week who have one daughter in Uganda and one in Washington D.C. We talked about what it is like to come back to your own country and identity was the big theme - again. It is difficult to move back and be among people who have not shared your history in that other country. I realised how important that was when I talked to friends in London who used to live in Pittsburgh. The feeling of having a conversation where I could talk about life in America, people in America - all of which and whom they knew about, was wonderful. It was a comfort and relief. As well as identity, this is all about connecting, isn't it? We are created to be in relationship. We are created to be connected to other people and that includes our histories. WIthout the option of sharing a history with people, lonliness sets in. We need others and we need others who have shared life with us. I am thankful that we have our friends in London already, and that two more will arrive in August. And I am thankful for technology that allows us to continue connecting with our friends across the atlantic!

Brussels

hmmm... it has been a while, hasn't it?

My friend Heidi gave me the excellent gift of a little notebook in which to record blogworthy notes while I am out and about and getting on with life. Brilliant. My first page of notes were written in Brussels very late at night. This past weekend Brian and I traveled (by train - Edinburgh to London King's Cross, tube to Waterloo, Eurostar to Brussels) with a group of about 6 friends. The purpose was to meet with about 6 other friends and together our mission was to surprise our friend Ed for his birthday. Ed & his wife are good friends of ours (they also happen to be our landlords!) Ed recently landed a job in Brussels and off they went.

We arrived after a rather tight journey. Good old British rail (GNER to be precise) lived up to its rep by leaving Edinburgh late due to technical faults. We therefore had 1/2 hour to spring across London via the tube. What an adventure! Thankfully, we arrived at the meeting point of Big Mama's Italian restaurant in Brussels almost on time - and Ed was suitably suprised. Well, VERY surprised actually - he had no idea! We had a very high spirited evening of good food and wine.

The next day was spent partly eating pastries (pain au chocolat...mmmm), drinking good coffee, wandering around Brussels in the sun, and getting ready for the birthday BBQ. It was about 1:00 p.m. ish when I started to feel a little weird... slightly out of place, and on the edge. I realised that I was feeling the effects of being with a group of friends who I haven't seen regularly for eight years. The last time I saw them in such contexts, I was single. Our friends have years of spending time like this together - and we are just joining the club. The realization was that although I have a history with my friends, it is fractured by the fact that I have not been able to see them on a regular basis throughout the past eight years. And it felt rather lonely. I became unsure of my identity in this group. How did they see me? What was their opinion of Brian? Why couldn't I look as cool and trendy as they do? You know, the usual...

The truth is that we are the newbies. Even although I have a rich history with these people and could essentially pick up where I left off - they need to get to know me again and they are getting to know Brian for the first time. And I didn't like that feeling. So, on Saturday night, in the wee hours of the morning after a fabulous BBQ Birthday party and a night out in Brussels, I wrote the following sentence in my little blog book:

"Out and about with everyone in Brussels: identity crisis!"

I then fell asleep and woke the next day annoyed with myself that I hadn't recorded more.

The rest of our time in Brussels was absolutely fabulous. A picnic in a park, hot sunny weather (burned shoulders!), good coffee, more pastries, cherry beer, chocolate, but most importantly, amazing company. Brian and I are blessed (and I don't use that word lightly) to have a group of people here who are downright lovely and we are thankful.

Of course that didn't change the fact that I came home on Monday evening and was in tears thinking about all the people we miss so much: that's you. And you. And you - oh, and you....

Weather

During April, the weather in Scotland was beautiful. Sunny, warm, blue skies. During May, the weather wasn't so great. Dull, some rain, lower temperatures. During June, the weather has felt decidedly crap. Lots of rain, few days of sun - and when there is sun, it is interspersed with weird heavy downpours and a strong wind.

Sigh. Despite my incessant complaining during the hot, humid summers I spent in the USA, I would give anything for a hot and humid July. Anything other than this.

Something that has amused me greatly is the range of clothing available during the summer months. There's a definite summer theme - bikini's and other beach attire pepper the stores. However, it is still perfectly possible to find yourself a decent coat, warm cardigans and jumpers, hats, scarfs, gloves, boots etc....Which of course, is becase we NEED them YEAR ROUND in Scotland. I actually find it quite nice. I don't recall being able to buy inter-seasonally during the summer in the States (at least in the States where I lived).

I must confess that despire feeling a little depressed about the weather, I have found it rather comical. We Scots, regardless of the reputation we have for being negative, are positively 'half glass full' when it comes to summer weather. For example, I know of at least three or four people who recently planned barbecue's to celebrate their birthdays. There was an optimism that came with the announcement of the festivities. Everybody knew that the odds of the BBQs being moved inside were fairly high, but that didn't matter! In Scotland this summer, many a dedicated dad, husband, friend, will huddle beneath a large umbrella, flipping burgers, turning sausages, and charring kebabs, then scurrying inside to deliver the food to the hungry guests in the living room. Brilliant.

Of course the bad weather has put paid to all of my good intentions about getting outside for exercise. So today I did something that made me feel I had truly re-entered the culture. My one goal for the day was to go out for a bike ride. Just as I pulled on my trainers, I noticed the rain had come on. For a split second, I considered staying home, but that didn't last for long. "Och well" thought I, "a bit of rain did no one any harm, eh?" Moments later, waterproof clad, I was riding along Hawthornvale Path, a bike trail that begins outside our house and cuts across Edinburgh. I thoroughly enjoyed that bike ride. Later on this afternoon I set off for the Real Foods Store, (clutching my Eastown eco-friendly hemp grocery bag). I got soaked - but then so did every other person who walked through the door - we're all in this together!

Eight things

Heidi tagged me in a little blog game so here goes...

The Rules

1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Ok, so first off, I probably won't be tagging eight other bloggers, because I don't follow more than two or three other blogs. Sorry, I am a party pooper. It's true. however, I have been feeling blog-dry over the past few days so this'll do nicely for today's entry!

Fact No. 1
I miss National Public Radio. On Monday, I had the day off (in lieu of working at the weekend). I was enjoying an afternoon of cooking in the kitchen and decided to listen to NPR (WestMichigan 104.1). The early morning news was on (due to the time difference) and then I got to listen to Diane Rehm. She was interviewing the two ladies who started and run the Silver Palette restaurant. I now really want that cookbook!!!! I got all homesick for GR, routine, Calvin - the works.

Fact No. 2
Since moving back to Scotland my chocolate intake has increased significantly. There may be several explanations for this, but I believe the central is the fact that I like the chocolate better here. Plain and simple. There's nothing better than a galaxy bar... today my chocolate intake of choice was a small bag of Cadbury's chocolate buttons. I am not sure I can keep this up for much longer without suffering the 'consequences' though... off to join the gym this weekend!!

Fact No. 3
Riding the bus makes me feel sick (see next blog entry related to this). It's the smells. Oh, the smells...

Fact No. 4
I haven't actually talked to my youngest brother since moving back. We've texted a bit, and he invited me to be added as his Bebo friend.. but that's it. He lives in Kent and works a lot. There's no other reason for our lack of communication. I think he's brilliant and I like him. We just don't talk a lot.

Fact No. 5
My middle brother might be coming to visit me for the first time. I am really excited about that, but trying not to show it too much in front of him because that'd be a major sisterly overload for him.

Fact No. 6
I have a fear of electricity. This stems from when I played bass guitar (see fact No. 7) for a summer camp in Pennsylvania in 1998. Somehow, the amps weren't earthed and I kept getting little electric shocks. Nasty.

Fact No. 7
I used to play the double bass. I was ok at it, but haven't played for ages. I have recently started to miss it a lot and wish I had kept it up.

Fact No. 8
I hate sharing my food with other people. Ask Brian...

Phew. This was hard.

A big week

Over the past week, Brian and I have been agonizing over a decision. A few weeks ago I was invited to an interview at Moray House, the University of Edinburgh School of Education. I was thrilled! I had applied for the one-year Post Graduate Diploma of Education in Religious, Moral, and Philosophical Secondary Education and getting an interview was nothing short of a miracle (there was one place available). Not only that, but I was told that I would be offered the place. As you can imagine, I was ecstatic! I called a few people and shared my good news. I had felt like it would take a miracle for this to happen, and... bingo!

However, as we started to think about the implications of me entering a teacher training year months after our arrival here, we started to wonder if it was the right decision. We had talked about it before for sure, but the reality of how intense the year would be finally hit.

This has NOTHING to do with my desire to teach or belief that this is the right thing to do - it has everything to do with timing. We've already been through a big move and the stress that comes with it. While I am excited about entering teacher training, the truth is that it is a very busy and emotionally draining year. It wasn't that I wasn't aware of this, or that we hadn't talked about it. It's just that reality alters the perspective a little... All that is to say, Brian and I have become convinced that we need a little more space this year. Therefore, after MUCH conversation, prayer, talking with people, tears and agonizing, I have declined the offer.

I can reapply at any time and if I want, at other institutions - my options remain open. It was a hard decision to make - especially for me - very hard to give up this opportuntiy. I had felt so good about being offered a place - proud of myself for applying, and for being offered the place. However, I think that a year without the stress of teacher training will be better for us as a couple in the long run.

The burning desire to teach remains, and I can't wait until the day I enter teacher training. For now, I will focus on being a supportive wife to a husband who is in his first year of living in a new country.

Phew! What a week!

A Strange but Beautiful Day!

Today I had the day off due to the fact that I had to work at the weekend. I decided I would begin the day with laundry. This proved to be an excellent idea, for the weather that emerged from a grey start was absolutely beautiful! By the time I was ready to hang out the first wash, it was actually hot outside. After loading up the 'mediums' I set off for a trip to Stockbridge. Stockbridge is in the west end of Edinburgh and is rather lovely - especially on a sunny day. One of the main attractions of the neighborhood is a selection of charity shops which usually have quite an impressive range of good quality clothing. My goal was to make some second hand purchases before hte day was out!

My first mistake was wearing hiking shoes. The weather turned out to be even warmer than I had expected! Wearing a pair of jeans and hiking shoes proved to be very uncomfortable in the heat. I kept dreaming of my sandals sitting at hte bottom of my closet....

Second mistake: I jumped on the wrong bus. I should have taken the number 36 but instead I somehow misread the bus number and jumped on the 35. The 35 takes you to hte Scottish Parliament and Holyrood park, not Stockbridge. About four or five stops in, a boy of about 16 years of age got on the bus and plopped himself in the seat in front of me. When I say plopped, I really mean sprawled. After a few minutes he looked straight at me and said " Can I do you a trade?"

"A what?" I asked "A trade?"

"Aye, said the boy, a trade. I'll trade ma phone number fer yours and that'll include a date"

I KID YOU NOT!

Ha ha, very funny...

Well. It's been a while, eh? There are many things I could write about right now but I'd like to begin with the issue of humor.

Today, during a staff meeting, I made what I thought was a witty quip. Apparently nobody else felt the same way as npbody - that's nobody - laughed. Not even a chortle. AND, I had incorporated a significant comedy timing pause to allow for the anticipated chuckles. Nothing. So, in order to save face, I said "Well, I thought that was funny... moving on then..." Still no laughter. There are several possible explanations as to why this happened:

1. These people wouldn't know good humour if it hit them in the face, gosh darn it!!
2. I spoke too quietly and they just didn't hear the joke
3. It wasn't funny

Ok, so here's what I really think. First, I don't think they were expecting it. Somehow, anticipating humour makes it funnier...to me, anyway. Second, I am beginning to wonder if my humour has experienced cultural confusion. Let me take you back to an incident back in 2000 when I first realised that the humour I was used to in Scotland wouldn't necessary work in the USA - at least in Western PA. I had made a comment to my physical therapist's assistant that was fairly dry, slightly sarcastic, and definitely under the umbrella of 'banter'. To my complete horror, a blank face stared back at me, and he answered my comment in all seriousness. From then on, I tempered by desire to enter into that kind of humour and have held back ever since.

Fast forward to March 2007. Brian and I arrive in Scotland and start spending time with friends here. I notice fairly quickly that the banter flows perhaps faster even than the lager in the corner of the world. Friendly back and forths, laughing at each other, regularly employing dry, playful wit, and blunt honesty in coversation. This can sound like teasing or meanness - and in fact, I found myself feeling a little put out a couple of times. However, as time has gone on, I have rediscovered the art of banter. At first, it felt funny (that's peculiar, not ha ha!) and participated in banter with some fear and trepidation. I felt like I might be hurting folks feelings or something - but I was constantly reassured that this was not often the case. Of course, there's a line - one engages in banter with discernemnt and wisdom (!) and there is such a thing as going too far. Either way, I am delighted to report that my ability to banter has gone from strength to strength.

There are lots of other things going on in our life. Brian is in Berlin for FESPA - a print show. It's the first time we've spent any time apart since moving. The irony is that this is the week where we have some major decisions to make... but I will explain all of that in the next entry. I am too tired to write more at the minute!