At home this weekend!

In complete contrast to my activities of the last few months, I spent all of today at home doing housework. Here's what I did today:
6 loads of washing (all dried on the clothes line)
Ironed a few loads of clean laundry
Cleaned our bedroom (dusted, polished, tidied, hoovered, washed the sheets etc...)
Cleaned the bathroom
Talked to two friends on the phone
Talked to my dad on the phone
Cooked dinner (roast chicken, mashed sweet potato, green beans and fruit cobbler)
Washed dishes
Dried dishes

It felt like a lot, but looking at hte list it doesn't seem like all that much after all! I blog about this to make the point that for the past few weeks and months we've been so busy we've hardly had a chance to properly clean. It would have been fair to say that our flat was approaching squalor! It felt good to get my hands dirty and to now have a lovely clean abode. the past few months have been full of cultural activies (Greenbelt, Edinburgh Fringe/Festival), travel (Belgium, London, Kent), work related events (youth conferences, leading seminars etc...). I am enjoying the chance to just be at home! Ahhh...

This week I had two speaking engagements in a Lanarkshire school. I was speaking to two Religious Education Classes about the reliability of the Gospels. I had to hire a car to get to the school. The cool thing was that I got to take the car home at night so that I was ready to leave again the next morning for RE class number two. Therefore, I drove into work one day this week. I was sitting on Dundas Road, in a queue for the right hand turn onto Queen street - ready to rev into gear to edge forward when the lights turned green when I had a wee revelation. I have not driven into work since I worked at Calvin Theological Seminary. Here, I either get the bus or ride my bike into work. We don't own a car, and if I did, I wouldn't drive it through Edinburgh morning traffic anyway. So, I was sitting on Dundas Street when I realised that I suddenly felt very disconnected from the city. I missed the bus - even the smelly number 22 (why DO people insist on 'letting everything out' on a crowded bus?!?!)And that is when it struck me: I have become part of the city. Sitting in that car, I felt removed from community - a cast-out, a rebel. I had shut myself off from the rest of the community of Edinburgh that day by simply getting in my car and driving to work on my own. I literally felt like I was in a bubble and.. although I could tell you any day what individualism is, I suddenly FELT it like never before!

There is a rhythm and community to cities. Every day I sit next to a complete stranger on the bus - yet I sit pretty close to that person on the small space allocated for two people. I join a mass of Edinburgh residents making their way to work. Listening to iPods. Reading The Metro. Opening up a new novel. Phoning into work. Catching up with mates about the night before. Gearing themselves up for the work day. This is one of my rhythms as a city dweller, and I like it! Maybe one day we will move to a rural rhythm or small town rhythm - but for now, I intend to live into Edinburgh's rhythm.

My Annual Flashback

The other morning, while blowdrying my hair, I had my annual flashback. This happens every year, around the middle of September. It's usually during the first chill of the fall hits. That cold can hit me from anywhere - an open window, first step outside in the morning... either way, it's the same every year: I am transported back to September 1999 when I first moved to the States. I have such strong memories of that time in my life that the first chill of the fall always reminds me of that season. I can remember staying with the Kuhn family. I can still recall the comforting sweet smell of their home. I remember sitting in a chilly office figuring out a new email system and flickng through youth ministry resources. I remember looking for a flat with Jackie and 'shopping' for furniture at the city mission. I can see the shop and save and picture where to find the frozen juice (something I found fascinating!) and the dollar bargain aisle. I can almost taste apple cider from the Spring House, and homemade brownies at coffee hour. The list could go on. Every year it is the same - strong memories of that first few months in Washington Pennsylvania. I think I will miss fall in the states. For one, the leaves are definitely more spectacular. Edinburgh just doesn't have as many trees! We don't do seasonal ritual here because our seasons kind of blend into one. While I hate things like Hobby Lobby's overload of seasonal merchandise I love the fact that seasons are recognised more significantly. I will miss pumpkins and 'mums on doorsteps. I will miss houses lit up at Christmas. I will miss driving through town and enjoying the creations - allbeit many of them OTT and tacky - in gardens, on houses, and doorsteps. I will miss the feeling that we are distinctly moving to a new season. I will miss moving my summer clothes to another closet and sorting out my fall attire. Instead, we will drift into autumn and wander into winter.

As for the fashback to that other distinct season in my life, there is a lot more I could say on that subject. But one thing I know for certain is that I have come quite a distance since then.

Home

They say it takes eighteen months before you feel settled in a new place - and certainly I can't say I feel totally settled in our new life. However, I have begun to notice a sense of belonging about being in Leith - and in our flat particularly. Perhaps it is because 'the nights are fair drawing in' as fall approaches and 8 pm is no longer as bright as 5 pm. Perhaps it is because our flat looks more lived in these days (especially since it hasn't been cleaned for some time!). Either way, I have started to feel as though I am breathing out and settling in. The other day, as I watched Brian leave on my bike to cycle to the gym, and after that, the store, I had this incredible sense of belonging to this area of edinburgh, this town, this life. I think that part of it is that we have developed routine. It's a well known fact that we humans often thrive on routine and ritual. It appears to give us a sense of rhythm in life, and predictability is settling. I think that is what's happening with me and Brian. As the autumn approaches, I am glad that we have routine. The short days and chilly air can feel hostile - but to have rhythm and routine feels comfortable and familiar.

Out of my league!

There are certain social circles in which I was just not meant to roam. this was confirmed the other day by a hilarious work lunch meeting I experienced.

Our press officer, who is a fantastic person, and connected to all sorts of cool people and stuff met with myself and two other people regarding a project we sponsor. He informed me that we'd be eating at the Royal Scots Club. 'Cool', thought I 'a proper lunch'. When he asked me to let our other male guest know that he'd be required to enter said club with a tie and jacket, I began to suspect I was in for a treat in more ways than one.

As we walked along the road, me in my clicky Clarks ankle boots, New Look Black Trousers (18 pounds), Next Clearance Top (3 pounds), old, New Look beige trencoat (cheap, very cheap), and Dorothy Perkins tote bag with black and white butterflies (5 pounds) I tried my best to look and feel fabulous. The clicky heels did help. I strode into the Royal Scots Club with confidence - a la Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City. Lunch was fine. however, I missed a crucial moment of fabulousity when the other three started to talk about a film maker who I claimed I had never heard of. Went home, and realised - yes, I do indeed know exactly who Jaques Tati is, and I have actually seen at least one of his films.

At the end of our lunch, the waitress approached the table and politely asked our host to pay attention to the dress code in the future because one of our party was wearing a denim dress. A DENIM DRESS! Oh, the shame. I was pleased to see that no-one else in the party seemed to have noticed or cared (it wasn't me wearing the denim by the way - my attire is detailed above!).

All this is to say, that I have dreamt of being fabulous, with silken hair, a graceful walk, and cool clothes all of my life and once again I have been forced to remember that I am just little old me. No need to 'breeze' or 'float' or 'glide'. No need to fit perfectly into the latest fashion. Just need to be me. No doubt in a few weeks time I will have another Royal Scots club moment when I try to be fabulous and I will again be reminded that I just need to be me. But I am on the journey and those incidents are becoming fewer and further between.

Tired

When we moved to Scotland in march, I jumped right into life back here in my home country. This past few weeks has been no different - we've been rather busy! A few weeks ago I suddenly realised that I felt tired. Not just a "i should get a good night's sleep" tired - but an all consuming, brain, heart, body tired!

When I started working for the Scottish Bible Society, our chief executive talked to me about how our souls need breathing space. My soul needs breathing space! It's not that I feel downtrodden, sad, or anything - I am just tired of being on the go all the time.

By the end of September, things will have quietened down. We'll manage more than one Sunday at church in a row. I will finish the book sitting on my bedside cabinet. Letters will be written and mailed. Life will slow to a pace that is manageable and I will be thankful!